I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
