Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
