I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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