Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
