I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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