Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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