did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
