i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
