Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
