If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
