hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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