Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
