How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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