the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
