Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
