He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
