is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
