why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
