I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
