he puts the penis in happiness.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
