Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
