You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
