feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
