I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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