I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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