How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
