Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
