i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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