no. you can't hotbox the world.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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