I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
