So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
