Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
