I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
