i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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