Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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