You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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