Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
