finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
