Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
