seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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