So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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