We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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