I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
