Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how can u be prego again
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
