Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
