Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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