some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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