i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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