I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
