all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
