Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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