I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
