I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
