i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
