I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
